How to manage “First Contact” with a Dog

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Imagine you're walking down the road, and ahead of you is a larger-than-you person. Upon seeing you, he rushes towards you, sticking his arm out in front. He invades your "personal space" and attempts to pet you on the head or, worse, hug you.

If you are like most people, your reaction could be anything from anxiousness to fear to anger.

Most of us would never approach a human being that way, knowing we are violating all sorts of unspoken rules about greeting a fellow human.

And yet, there is this cliché about how to greet a dog: Go up to the dog, get close, stick out your hand to be sniffed, and then pet the dog's head.

All this happens without the dog's permission.

I spoke with Virginia Latas, the Behavior Team Manager at the Santa Fe Animal Shelter and Humane Society. One of her team's tasks is to greet and help intake new animals to the shelter. They often are responsible for meeting over one hundred dogs for the first time a week, sometimes over ten dogs a day.

These dogs are often terrified and stressed, some with little socialization. Frequently, the dogs show up with no history. Do they distrust men? Have they ever been on a leash? Were they tied up and left to themselves? Each individual dog has a story, but they cannot tell it.

Thus, the first few hours at the shelter are a rich learning lab for understanding the "first contact" with a dog.

Here are the lessons that Virginia passed on to me.

First, if a dog is with their human, always ask permission to greet their dog. Hopefully, the guardian will let you know if a dog is skittish with strangers or friendly towards all. (Cue most Golden Retrievers)

For example, our Chihuahua-Terrier mix, Maisie, takes about ten minutes of barking and growling before she reluctantly accepts a new person in our house. Toby, our Great Pyrenees, might bark once to let Maisie know he's on her team, but he quickly calms down.

The point is that every dog is different, and we need to be alert to what they tell us through their body language.

Virginia noted that a dog wagging her tail doesn't necessarily mean she is welcoming. What the Behavior Team looks for is whether the dog has a relaxed body, if her spine is relaxed, and whether her eyes are soft.

Next is our body language. First, it's essential to know that facing a dog head-on and staring at her is intimidating. The best approach is to be sideways to the dog, crouch down a few feet away so you don't loom over her (scary) and respect the dog's space. Never stand over a dog, corner a dog, or be in a position where the dog can't back up or move away. Imagine that the dog has claustrophobia and always needs a way out.

Let the dog come to you. This can take time. Virginia related a story of a dog that someone recently brought to the shelter who had had little contact with humans. In the pen, when Virginia entered, he just backed away to the corner. Virginia sat down away from the puppy, gave him space, and tossed him a couple of treats. She was patient. It took ten minutes or so, but eventually, the dog found the courage to come up to Virginia and sniff her. Small battle won.

Next, it's important (especially with children) not to hug a dog that you just met. Again, the golden rule is to respect the dog's space: let them take the lead in the "getting to know you" dance. Most dogs are not crazy about being hugged anyway.

One way to keep all this in mind is to think about how you hold what a dog is. They are not little humans but sentient, socially bonding mammals. The more we learn about dogs — and there has been an explosion of canine research in the last few decades — the more we realize that dogs are much like us. This is not anthropomorphism (assigning human traits to other species). Instead, it is a rejection of our anthropocentric tendencies: Thinking that we are the center of the universe, and all other life is "less than." If we understand that dogs are intelligent and worthy of our respect, then meeting a dog for the first time will be easy: respect their space and no hugging on the first date!

Hersch Wilson’s latest book, “Dog Lessons: Learning the Important Stuff from our Best Friends” is available at bookstores and Online.